First Love

When Renae suggested a winter theme, I remember a piece I had written back in grade ten. So I dug it up and made some quick revisions. It's childish, and it shows. I hope it is not too painful to read ^^;; Please excuse the emo-ness and any fragmented, run-on sentences =)


The first time I saw you, you were sitting at the corner of a table in art: all alone, quietly staring down. I glanced at you briefly before returning to my own work.

Yet, there was something that made me look up again. Perhaps it was your silence, and the calm facade you projected amidst the noise around you. It sparked my interest, and I stared at you for a while before you looked up to meet my eyes. Then you smiled.

I turned away.

I glanced out the big windows and saw pure white flakes drifting lazily in the wind.

You were never in my mind after that. I did not see you again until the day we were formally introduced. We began to talk, and soon after, became close friends. I do not remember what it was that passed between us in our conversations, but they drew me to you. I felt like I understood you, but despite that, I did not truly know you.

We became close, too close, and then as fast as it began, it was over.

I do not know what it was that kept me by your side. To silently witness your changing relationships after what happened between us. To be supporting and accepting while I ached inside. Finally, to slowly feel my love for you change from one of a lover, to one of a dear friend. We were so young back then; innocent and naive.

Once, long ago, we planned so much together. Small projects or big amibitious goals for the future.

Do you remember the times when we sat beside each other and talked about our dreams?
The times when we wandered around the fields at the back of the school during lunch?
The times we spent together on that trip, in that place which felt like paradise...

Do you remember?

I miss those times.

Now, we're both grown. We walk in separate directions, and we hold different dreams. It is inevitable, because we are constantly changing, and making decisions which would either drive us to our friends, or build walls between our dearest companions. Even now, I feel a rift between us, one which I'm afraid can never truly mend.

Can I promise that I will always be there for you? That I will always agree with every choice that you make? That I will never start a fight? That I will never keep secrets from you?

No, I cannot.

I get angry, frustrated, worried, sad, and I say things I do not mean. Yet, I can promise you that I will do my best to be as good a friend as I can be. That is all I have left to give you. I've put the past behind me. Now, I do not know what the future will bring for us.

I just want you to know that no matter what happens, a piece of my heart will always belong to you. And no matter how much time have passed, there will be, forever fresh in my mind...

The memory of that first snow fall.